By MORGAN ARGOR
Don’t give up, no matter who turned their back when all you needed was a hug.
When the only one you loved ran because it hurt too much.
Life is fucked, or people like us never would have been born,
Never fuck me again for all I care: I’ve still got anime porn.
But I’m still gonna feel like shit as I watch a thousand potential futures burn,
That doesn’t mean you have to snap and walk away.
Because with or without me, the world will always and forever turn.
At the end of it all, I don’t know when,
It could be in an hour, it could be ten.
It could be in a thousand years
When we finally get it right
But until then, never forget who held you all night.
So many people have hurt me and sucked my hope dry
Most days it feels like I’m dragging around a corpse
And all I can do is cry.
But one of the smartest people I ever met—a fucking maintenance man—no, the keeper of the fucking manor with the keys to the kingdom
Many years ago, in a lonely hallway once said
When I was on the edge of hell, before I was really dead:
“If you don’t laugh, you cry. And they won’t cry with you, but they’ll laugh with you.”
I remembered it for the rest of my life.
I remember the girl who sat with me, and held my hand, even though for all she knew I could have been holding a knife
And looked at me, in tears, with tremendous pain
She hugged me, though we’d only just met,
She could tell from my eyes the same tears had been spent.
I still remember her black eyes
The pistol whip gravedigger shovel wound in the middle of her forehead.
I knew she was not okay and never would be.
She’s probably dead now, but at least she’s free.
Strange people, strange places
More smiles than I can count.
The Colombian trafficker who changed his mind
After he tried grooming me
Whose parting words were “don’t talk to strangers” after hugging me like a friend.
I know that motherfucker probably brought 80 people to their end.
But he talked to me respectful, and he let me walk away
Even though he didn’t have to
He could have murdered me that day.
Shane, who doesn’t even have a real obituary, may you rest in peace.
Even though you were a scumbag,
You cared enough to tell me you didn’t want me to get hurt.
I still think of you sometimes, lying rotten in the dirt.
I hope you wake in Blackest Igvarmord with a heart that isn’t fucked.
I hope, somehow, your mom’s okay
I never forgot how she called us and cried when you’d run out of luck.
And my cousin, the one who ignored me for so many years
We held each other when your father died, and made up for it all with a waterfall of tears.
And Johnny, you were one of the only cool football players, you talked to me outside the funeral home.
Thanks for making it a little bit easier
The day my cousin died.
And thanks for never making fun of me in high school
Or saying my life was a joke.
You were always there any time I needed a couple pills
Or just someone to stand with when I wanted to smoke.
C, just as twisted and messed up as me
You were the single person in that family to show me a shred of empathy.
You stood up to your grandma and laughed in her face
And told her you’d talk to me all you wanted, and it wasn’t her place.
If you never told me that he fucked up, and you were on my side, and it wasn’t right
I don’t know if I’d have made it through that night.
There’s too many people to name, but the last one that comes to mind
Is the postman up the street, whose sad blue gaze met mine
You asked me how my mom was, and I knew you really cared.
You apologized for how your lawn looked—I should apologize for even fucking coming there.
But to all the people out there who helped me through,
I know it doesn’t matter, but I’ll never forget you.
So if anyone out there reads this and you’re dreaming of the end,
You might not have a lover, and you might not have a friend.
But in that fleeting second before your last hope dies
You might just find that kindness in a strangers eyes.